How much shall we open up to gain trust?

MANY people, at all management levels, often wonder how much should they open up at work and when not to. Some executives or managers worry that revealing weakness or doubt will jeopardise their credibility and trust. As a result, they remain silent when they are in doubt or uncertain about a situation rather than open up to ask for clarification. Research shows that most leaders tend to remain silent when in doubt and therefore sometimes miss the opportunities to build trust and connection with others.

Decision on whether or not to open up can be tough, especially when you are not fully confident of how your opinions are going to be taken. You may worry about saying the wrong thing and being perceived as incompetent, foolish or even unprofessional. Some people may even hold back information when they see that they can use it for their own advantage, rather than for the benefits of the organization.

People usually make a choice whether to speak up or share information according to their preference. If they think they can gain benefits from the information they share, they would gladly open up and share it. When people perceive that the information they disclose will jeopardise their position, they will default to silence, even when that information benefits the organization or other team members.

Asians are generally more conversative than our Western counterparts. Our local employees and colleagues however tend to under-share generally. They will stay silent even when openness would serve them and their customers or organization better. Bosses must be aware of this natural tendency of their employees to remain silent by encouraging them to be more open without fear of being reprimanded for saying the wrong thing, after all making mistakes is part of the learning process.

While projecting total confidence and keeping secrets or information to oneself can feel safe, it can quietly erode trust. Trust, after all, underpins the unspoken bond that makes people willing to follow and contribute.

In business, trust has two important elements – good intention and the ability to deliver. Without a good intention, any business or workplace relationships will be short-lived. Business contracts will breakdown without the ability to deliver, even though all the parties are trustworthy.

Creation of trust is paramount in any working relationship. Trust is often created by communication, either spoken or unspoken. Usually, communication can be more complicated when it comes to sharing something we are not so good at. People often worry that admitting doubts or weaknesses will erode their competence. Nobody is flawless. Acknowledging uncertainty or missteps can actually strengthen both understanding and competence, thus increasing others’ trust. In fact, people don’t see us as less capable for sharing struggle in our work. They may be keen to work with us over those who only hype about their strengths. The willingness to share our expertise with our clients can often gain trust and respect from them.

Why do we tend to under share? There are people who do not want to reveal what they know without getting benefits from sharing their knowledge. You can always find consultants under share and colleagues withhold information if the information does not benefit them, especially financially. In addition, we all tend to judge harmful actions more harshly than harmful inactions. When someone is in doubt or uncertain about certain things, they tend not to speak up in order to avoid screwing up, but we overlook that avoidance can in itself cause damage. We often feel uneasy to bring up unpleasant news at work. We assume that if we bring it up, we may get reprimanded; but if we hold back, we may avoid getting into the hot soup. It is this bias that makes saying something unpleasant inherently riskier than saying nothing.

Why do people often keep quiet rather than ask for help when they are uncertain about something? The idea of admitting ignorance is often seen as a weakness or being incompetent. We often perceive that when we ask for help, we will be seen as being unqualified and people will lose confidence in us. However, being transparent about how we think can very often strengthen rather than weaken perceptions of our competence. Having a good intention is after all one of the pillars of trust. The real challenge here is not avoiding oversharing, but when and how to reveal information deliberately in ways that foster trust and credibility.