Understanding love languages in relationships

The deepest cravings of human nature is the need to be appreciated.

I returned home, and to my delight, the house was immaculately clean and tidy. “Wow,” I exclaimed aloud, my heart brimming with joy. It had been a while since my home felt this pristine, and the sensation was nothing short of fantastic — especially amidst the aroma of dinner wafting through the air. On the dining table lay my favourite foods: steamed broccoli, grilled salmon, and, to my delight, a steaming bowl of mushroom soup.

But wait — what was the occasion? I scanned my mental calendar, rifling through its virtual pages. As I stepped into the kitchen, there stood my partner, apron-clad, presenting the final dish: pan-fried dumplings.

In that moment, contentment washed over me, and gratitude overflowed. More importantly, I felt loved. These seemingly small gestures held immense significance for me, which brings me to today’s topic: understanding your partner’s love language.

There are five love languages, each varying from one individual to another. Some individuals have a dominant love language, while others hover between two or more. Let’s explore what these love languages are:

1. Words of affirmation:
   “You are wonderful”, “You are a great wife”, “Thank you, wifey, for holding the fort today”— these are examples of spoken expressions of praise, appreciation, and encouragement. Partners with this love language thrive on verbal affirmation, where simple expressions like “Dinner was delicious, and thanks for cooking” can mean the world to them. You will see a wide smile on their faces after that.
   
2. Acts of service:
   Remember the examples I gave earlier, where I was mesmerised by the clean house and the smell of the food upon entering? Those are acts of service, where actions speak louder than words. This love language matters greatly to those who value such gestures, like me. Imagine your partner anticipating your needs without being asked — like preparing a hot cup of milk for you on a rainy day. I’m sure you would feel contented too if acts of service matter to you.
   
3. Quality time:
   The key for this love language is undivided attention. Those with this love language believe that spending quality time matters the most. When they are engaged in conversations, making eye contact, actively listening without distractions, and participating in shared activities are essential to nurturing intimacy. Whether it’s watching a movie, going for a walk, or having a bedtime chat, quality time matters. Oh, and mind you, any cancelled plans or distracted partners can leave quality time enthusiasts feeling unloved.
   
4. Physical touch:
   Those with this love language will find public displays of affection (PDA) a natural expression. For those who thrive with this love language, they believe intimate physical contacts like hugging, kissing, and holding hands speak louder than anything else. Even caressing hair or patting shoulders conveys love and care. So, don’t be judgy when you see couples hugging and kissing in public areas.
   
5. Receiving gifts:
   Don’t wait for special occasions because thoughtful surprises matter to those with this love language. Be sure to know what they like and dislike, as the gifts you buy for them show how much you know and care for them. Simple gifts like a bouquet of fresh flowers, a heartfelt card, or a carefully chosen scarf can convey deep affection.

Now, the million-dollar question: why does understanding love language matters in a relationship? By identifying your partner’s love language, you can minimise miscommunication and ensure they feel validated. Moreover, it enhances your daily interactions, bringing you both closer. Love language serves as a unique “communication channel” that allows you to express affection in ways your partner truly responds to. For example, if your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, heartfelt presents will have a more significant impact than affirmations.

But this knowledge doesn’t apply only to romantic relationships; it can extend to your family, friends, and even the workplace. Before exploring these broader contexts, let’s start by understanding your partner first. Identify their love language and regularly check in with them. Remember that love languages can evolve over time due to life-changing priorities. So, always check in with your partner and speak each other’s love language for a better, thriving relationship.

The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of New Sarawak Tribune.