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There is an empty chair in many families.
Perhaps it belonged to Dad.
Perhaps Mum always sat there.
Perhaps it belonged to a husband, wife, brother, sister—or someone whose presence once made the house feel complete.
The chair remains.
But the person doesn’t.
And somehow, that ordinary chair can become one of the hardest things to look at.
Grief Hides in Ordinary Things
We imagine grief arrives at funerals.
Often, it arrives much later.
It appears when you see their favourite food.
When an old photograph appears on your phone.
When something funny happens and, for a moment, you think:
“I must tell Mum.”
Then you remember.
There is no number to call anymore.
That second realisation can hurt all over again.
We Miss More Than the Person
Sometimes we miss their voice.
Their laughter.
The way Dad cleared his throat before saying something serious.
The way Mum asked whether we had eaten—even when we were already adults.
Things that once seemed ordinary suddenly become priceless.
We even miss the things that used to annoy us.
“Drive carefully.”
“Don’t come home too late.”
“Have you eaten?”
What we once answered impatiently, we would now give almost anything to hear again.
The Words We Never Said
Loss sometimes leaves behind unfinished conversations.
“I should have visited more.”
“I wish I had apologised.”
“I never properly thanked him.”
“I thought there would be more time.”
If you carry such thoughts, remember that relationships are rarely perfect.
We loved imperfectly.
They loved imperfectly.
We were human together.
Do not allow one unfinished conversation to erase a lifetime of love.
A Family Changes, But Love Doesn’t Disappear
After someone dies, families learn to live differently.
Someone else prepares the celebration.
Someone else sits at the head of the table.
The family photograph changes.
But occasionally, somebody tells an old story…
and everyone laughs exactly as they used to.
For a few seconds, the person feels close again.
Perhaps this is one of love’s quiet miracles: someone can leave our life without leaving our heart.
For Those Whose Chairs Are Still Filled
Perhaps the most important lesson from an empty chair is for those of us who still have people sitting beside us.
Don’t wait.
Take the photograph.
Make the visit.
Answer the call.
Forgive what can be forgiven.
Ask Mum about her childhood.
Listen to Dad’s old story—even if you have heard it twenty times.
One day, you may desperately want to hear it for the twenty-first.
Dr. Ben’s Reflection
Over these ten issues, we have talked about parents, children, siblings, silence, ageing, misunderstandings and healing.
But underneath every story was one thing:
Love.
Family was our first home.
And for many of us, it remains the place our hearts return to—even when the people who made it home are gone.
So tonight, look around your table.
Notice who is still sitting there.
And perhaps stay a little longer.
Because one day there may be an empty chair.
And when that day comes, may your heart be able to say:
“I loved you while you were here.
I showed you while I still could.
And I will carry you with me from here.”
THE FAMILY CHAPTER ENDS HERE… BUT OUR JOURNEY DOESN’T
For ten weeks, Love Forensic™ has taken us inside the family.
Next Saturday, we leave the front door and enter another place where we spend much of our lives.
A place of ambition, friendship, competition, pressure, disappointment and sometimes quiet suffering.
NEXT: THE WORK DOMAIN
“I’M FINE AT WORK” — BUT ARE YOU REALLY?
Why can someone appear successful every morning…
while quietly falling apart inside?
What happens when the job that pays for your life begins taking your life away?
And when does ordinary tiredness become something much deeper?
Next Saturday, a completely new Love Forensic™ investigation begins.
We are going to work.
And perhaps…
you will never look at your workplace the same way again.
● Dr. Benfadzil Mohd Salleh, Forensic Psychologist | Founder, Benfadzil Academy. H/P: – 0122350404. Email: [email protected]
Love Forensic™
The Six Life Domains™
Understanding People • Strengthening Families • Building Communities • Developing Nations
The views expressed here are those of the writer and do not necessarily represent the views of Sarawak Tribune.
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